When I was 15-years-old I was invited to attend a Baptist summer camp. Growing up Mennonite I had never been exposed to overt “savior” language, nor had I previously received such direct and controlling gendered messages. At this camp I was told it was a women’s responsibility to “not lead men astray.” In other words, 15-year-old me learned she was directly responsible for a 15-year-old guy’s erection, an apparently horrible and sinful occurrence in a young man’s life. Wearing a pair of shorts one inch “too far” above my knee would be the catalyst to sinful and lustful thoughts. The blame inevitably landed on my young female shoulders (that of course also needed to be covered due to man’s uncontrollable lust).
Religion–both Christian and none–and the sanctity put upon a woman’s virginity is partially to blame for a cultural belief that rape is all about a man’s “lust” and inability to “hold back” from his sexual desires. Dominant Christian cultural beliefs hold women to a different sexual standard than they hold men. Rape is too often confused with sex, which often let’s the man off the hook in situations of sexualized violence, and therefore allows rape to continue.
In December I posted the above cartoon and asked “Why is rape different?” One-third of women murdered in the United States are killed by intimate partners, but we don’t call it “acquaintance murder.” Why must we then label rape committed by a partner or friend as acquaintance rape? I quickly answered my own question after getting frustrated with the language a woman used in a blog. The content of her piece was good. Focused on forgiving the man who raped her twin sister, I really couldn’t argue with her compassion or enlightened understanding in the situation. But I did feel the language used was detrimental to the cause.
She kept referring to the perpetrator’s “lust” and how his “lust” for her sister caused him to act in sinful ways. Words such as purity and lust have become engrained in traditional Christian text and tradition, and that is where I think our society, religion, and culture have done some serious damage. That is why here on my blog I want to repeat an important message, loud and clear:
RAPE IS NOT SEX.
RAPE IS NOT SEX.
RAPE IS NOT SEX.
Rape is far too often muddled with pleasure. We’re under the guise that those who rape are doing so for purely sexual reasons. This is why I do not use the phrase “sexual violence.” Rather I use “sexualized violence,” a term we prefer using at WMC’s Women Under Siege. As Gloria Steinem says, there is nothing sexual in nature about rape.
The roots of rape go deeper than sex. Instead, rape falls into the categories of violence, power, entitlement and control. Rape is linked to male dominated gun violence, domestic violence, and verbal abuse. It’s an expression of masculinity and a fear of losing one’s strength and domination in the world. It’s often a view of sexual entitlement, where a man is under the impression that he is somehow owed a sexual exchange. Lauren Wolfe and Steinem write about these cultural causes of rape, terming it “The Cult of Masculinity.”
Putting importance on a woman’s chastity and believing that rape is caused by lust implies that when rape occurs, it is the woman’s fault. It also implies that women do not have the same natural and divine desire for sex. In some cases, yes, a woman’s libido may be lower than that of a man’s, but this is not always the case. For example, as a woman I am not ashamed to admit that I have a strong libido. Yet I do not rape a male friend when he’s sleeping, nor do I go out to bars and pressure men into having sex with me. If a man or woman is “lusting,” and they are comfortable with sexual relations, than he or she could seek out a willing partner wanting to engage in consensual intercourse with him or her. And if that partner can’t be found? Then (shockingly) abstinence is possible.
The fact that women are rewarded for not having sex outside of a marriage, yet a woman is slut-shamed for premarital intercourse, means that the only true value of a woman is her sexual purity. This is what causes the victim-blaming, stigma and shame I spoke about here. Even in a case where a woman wakes up to a man penetrating her, or when a 16-year-old girl in small-town Steubenville, Ohio, winds up drunk at a high school party and is raped by multiple boys, she is blamed for her failure to remain chaste.
Then when the perpetrator is an acquaintance, the rape supposedly gets “more complicated.” The majority viewing the case are under the impression that the woman was wiling to give up her sexual purity, resulting in her becoming a “slut,” while the man’s lust was natural. Because she flirted with the man, wore low-cut blouses, or danced provocatively, she led the man down a road of lustful desires and is in return responsible for the end results. How many times have you heard a police officer, news reporter, college administrator, or perpetrator say that the female victim just “regretted her drunken mistakes the previous night” and was casting the event off as rape?
Unfortunately this transfer of blame happens more often than not, which is why many women don’t report abuses that detrimentally affect the remainder of their life, and why repeat offenders continue to exist on our college campuses, churches, work organizations, and homes. In reality, the FBI reports that the number of “unfounded” rape accusations are around 8 percent, which has been determined a high percentage. Yet, 54 percent of rapes and sexual assaults are not reported to the police. Factoring in unreported rapes, this means only about 3 percent of rapists ever serve a day in jail. These statistics and percentages are atrocious, yet more often than not we still question the victim’s “motive,” like they set out in the night having some sort of agenda.
If we want to change stigma and victim-blaming then we must refocus cultural and religious ideas about sexuality and a woman’s right and control to her own body. We must eliminate judgment of women based on what they wear. We must hold a woman’s purity on the same level as a man’s. We must view women in the same light that God view’s women – as whole human beings. As a first step, let’s take the words “lust” and “purity” out of the same sentence and context as rape.
Tracked this down because of the pingback to GWP.com. Bravo. Thanks so much for bringing this to my attention. I wholly agree with you and will be sensitive to the language used from now on.
– lauren
founder/editor of good women project
it is a patriarchal religion where women have no place of autonomous worth or value. This will always be its default position regarding women and sex. The solution is not in changing the church: it is in turning away from its misogyny and hate, and consigning it to the dustbin of history
Well said!
I would like to direct the readers of this blog to a Slate article that has an important breakdown of why the WaPo graph I used in this piece might be off: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/01/08/the_enliven_project_s_false_rape_accusations_infographic_great_intentions.html
I think this was incredibly offensive to tie rape, stigmas and police protection or lack thereof to Christianity. This has nothing to do with Christianity. Yes, rape is a horrible offense whether it happens to women or men and I am all for jail time for offenders. I would say to look around the world and look at how much less women are protected in other countries with other world religions, but then the comments will be about how bad religions are in general and how we would be better of godless, which is certainly do not believe. The real problem is where women have less rights and less education and where the prevailing attitude is that men are often not punished at all for rape. Look to any Middle Eastern country that often stones, suffocates or burns the female victim assuming her guilt rather than the perpetrator, look to the countries that profit greatly from slave trafficking, look at India and its caste system that brutalizes the lowest caste. The Christian religion, which is actually a relationship with God, is one of increasing love, peace and joy, with increasing hunger to help the poor, the oppressed, the victim, the widow, the orphan. It is most certainly NOT one of persecution. I am saddened that while “Half the Sky” is an amazing book and I often enjoy the posts under Half the Sky, this one is inappropriate and belittling. It should be beneath the beauty of this site.
I think you are overlooking the fact that all these places you cite are run by patriarchal religious governments, at least at the local level. And what is Christianity? A patriarchal religion that has kept women down, at times to the point of burning us at the stake, for over 2,000 years. Can you dispute that?
People often hide behind religion, including the different religious factions. The author points out a problem with the cowards who hide behind thier religion, the far right in particular to demonize women, and either directly or indirectly they continue to treat women as second class citizens. Yes people who are proposed Christians preach this crap all the time. Which leads me to believe that they are not true Christians but use religion to further thier own egos, moral corruption and to rationalize the continued disrespect for woment. The scary thing is people that believe in the United States women have “equal” rights. We do have more rights than other countries, and we are overall more educated. We do not have “equal” rights. This is another reason why religon and politics need to be kept seperate. Because the privledged, rich, mainly white male “christians” can’t see beyond thier personal beliefs and want to make sure women stay in thier place. I think this blog brings out the hidden agenda and actions that we constantly have to defind. As a Christian my relationship is with God, I do not use it to belittle anyone, or try to control anyone else, neither did Jesus.
FYI:
The plural possessive is spelled their, not thier.
HI Rachel,
May i have your permission to reproduce this article in its entirety on my company’s website:
http://www.cwmission.org
Regards
Shireen
I am a victim….after years of keeping my dark secret to myself,it took several people to convince me that I was the “VICTIM”. As a woman I was given full responsibility by the perp and myself for all that happened.
Oh and that little diagram with the little rapists makes me feel so sick, I WISH I WOULD HAVE TOLD…
It would be incomplete to leave out the role of war and the military in dehumanizing women–and that some armies use rape as a tool for subjugation of the civilian population. Newsweek recently reported that men raping men in the military goes unreported–is that a surprise? Since this is a large topic, it might deserve a whole blog column in the future.
Hi David. I actually work as the social media associate for an organization, Women Under Siege, that is documenting how rape and sexualized violence is used in war. It’s a devastating occurrence that has been happening for centuries. I recommend checking out our blog if you’re interested in this topic. We have profiles from around the world in addition to many blog entries about different conflicts.
Sometimes rape is just about sex you don’t know the intention of every rapist,and some just can’t help it because of mental disorders and stuff like that,don’t forget boys are raped too but people don’t take it as seriously as a girl being raped,It’s true
Kylie: I understand where you’re coming from, but rape actually isn’t about sex. It’s more about the domination and control they can use through sex. Rape is in fact an out-dated word. It carries incorrect perceptions about sexualized violence, and it creates a cultural understanding (rape culture) of what rape is, which typically focuses on the sexual act of it when the focus should actually be on the violent act of it. In all actuality, sexual assault is no more about sex than assault with a weapon is about the weapon. If you’d like to discuss this more, I’m willing to email with you about it.
Best, Rachel
I’m sure alot of times they just want sex,can’t prove it isn’t -.-
Wow, this is the best summary I’ve seen on this nasty problem. I had similar messages from Bible Camps from which I’ve had to recover. Keep it coming, Rachel. You have a special gift for articulating clearly and simply and intelligently and passionately about these things.
Thank you, Barbra! I appreciate your support and helpful words.
As a part time minister, a full time cop, and a long time dad, I agree that society needs to value women and men equally. I also agree that rape is about dominance and violence, not sex. If a guy can’t “hold back” he still has no excuse to rape. He has two hands, and can solve that problem without wronging anyone else. But you can’t lump Christianity in the anti women category because the penalty for rape in archaic times was, well, archaic. In the case of Jacobs daughter Dinah and David’s daughter Tamar the victims brother(s) killed the perp.
My sons are raised to respect girls and my daughters are raised to demand respect. (And defend themselves if need be) . This is the Christian church in 2014. Nice to meet you!